I suppose this is the point in our newly found relationship where I introduce myself. My name is irrelevant for now but I’m sure you will figure it out courtesy of social media. I met my husband in high school and we have three beautiful but rambunctious children. I was always very school and career oriented. I never said no to work even at times when family time would take a hit. In my eyes it was all for the greater good. My parents came to this country and were able to build a successful life even in the face of endless obstacles. I had to make them proud, I needed to achieve.
Like many others the COVID years hit hard. When the entire world was at the brink of what felt like the end, I lost the strongest male figure in my life, my father. He was the laughter of our family, the most loving and generous person. It was a pain that I’ve never understood and to be honest one that I’ve never stopped feeling. My last few conversations with him forever changed me. In moments of uncertainty and sickness many people revaluate their life and the choices they have made. He sat at the edge of his bed and told me if he had to live his life all over again he wouldn’t change anything. His biggest regret in life was meaningless bickers with my mom who he loved in a way I’ve rarely seen before. If there’s anyway to live your life that’s it.
With his passing and the world in sheer panic I was forced to look at my life. Things that I thought were important didn’t mean as much. Small things that would usually upset me didn’t seem worth my energy. My motivation is still there, that hunger to achieve but the way I go about it is different. I appreciate the little moments, the snuggles or I love you when you least expect. I’ve found peace in that. I want to live my life so that when my time comes I will not regret the life I’ve built or the legacy I leave. There is beauty in knowing that even though my father is not here he continues to guide and shape the person I am. That’s a legacy to strive for.
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